Hot flashes, sleepless nights, emotional turmoil, bad mood… And now no libido?
The arrival of menopause is not the same for everyone. Each woman is different, and she has her own catalog of symptoms associated with the process.
As I approached my last period, I became familiar with symptoms that I had mentally associated with this stage of perimenopause. I would never have imagined though that one of those symptoms was going to be the loss of sexual desire.
A life without sex seemed as strange to me as starting a life in Saturn… What if this were forever? And would this indifference of the body towards any stimulus of physical desire become chronic? And for the rest of my life? With the mountain of joy that my body had given me so far!
In search of my lost libido
Before falling into the most absolute of terrors, I decided to seek information and to go to the rescue of the lost pleasure. Trapped in the battlefield in which my hormones were playing, I searched to gain the reign of the throne of a new me.
My first discovery was that not all women in menopause are affected by the sympton of lack of sexual desire. Meaning that the precipitous drop in my libido was not something generalized in this matter of menopause, but a lottery that I had won in the roulette of possible symptoms. Well, just my luck!
But why was this happening to me? What was the cause of this disinterest?
Sexual desire is based on a complex network in which different elements intervene; intimacy, physical and emotional well-being, previous experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and a positive relationship with one’s partner.
The problem is that during premenopause and menopause many of these elements become unbalanced, potentially breaking down the foundations of what had been our intimate life until now.
On the one hand, we have to deal with the strong hormonal imbalance that sometimes causes a drop in testosterone and with it a decrease in sexual desire.
On the other hand, this hormonal revolution can cause symptoms that neither inspire nor arouse passion. Who wants sex when you haven’t slept for days, have doggy tiredness and a bad mood?
Why does our libido drop?
Lowered self-esteem as we learn to reconnect with ourselves, exhaustion, mood swings, and the pain that lack of lubrication may cause, can detract from the intimate encounter. Yet all of that can be solved. So I breathed a deep breath. Not all was lost!
Firstly, it is important we visit our doctor for a complete examination and analysis. A doctor can provide us with good information about our hormonal status, as well as advise a personalized treatment that can help us adjust this imbalance. Thus help us regain desire on a physical level.
On the emotional level, it is essential to sit down with our partner to address this issue openly. It is time to talk openly, sharing how we feel and what we need as a couple to prevent these changes from being a source of discomfort in our relationship.
It is also a good opportunity to give prominence to eroticism in the face of the purely physical sexual encounter, to remember the courtship phase, “play” to fall in love (again, if necessary!)
At a time when our self-esteem may be reeling from the physical changes we are experiencing, feeling conquered (as in the early days of the relationship) is a balm that works miracles on our insecurities in front of the mirror.
The loss of libido during menopause is undoubtedly a symptom that we should not let go of with a “it is what it is”. We are sexual beings, and we are beyond our hormones. Sex resides in the brain and accompanies us throughout our lives.
We are sexual beings
Our sexuality, in addition to being a source of pleasure and physical well-being, is a way of communicating that helps us express our deepest feelings. This allows us to connect with the other in a unique and special way, and endows our relationships with complicity and an intimacy that may not be achieved in other forms of relationship.
If the renunciation of this drive is done voluntarily, that is fine, it is a choice like any other. But let’s not give up sexual pleasure just because we are going through menopause. If we see that desire escapes us on the back of our unbridled hormones, let’s go after it to hunt it down!
Where there was fire there are still embers. Let us blow hard to rekindle the flame and let our body be reborn to sensuality.
Ageless goddesses know the alchemy of sex. Let’s not let that power be taken away from us.
Pilar Rodriguez.
Aging. Menopause. Menopause & Sex Life. Women’s Empowerment.
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