Reaching 50 feels like a rite of passage, a beautiful milestone worth celebrating.
So, what’s there to celebrate? My 40s were a transformative decade of self-growth, acceptance, and wisdom. I learned the art of truly listening, let go of much of my people-pleasing tendencies, and embraced the power of saying “no” and asking for help. I rewrote my self-narrative, exchanged my princess gown for a Queen’s crown, and stepped fully into my power.
But the wisdom of my 40s was hard-earned. Looking back, here are six lessons I wish I’d known earlier, each one a nugget of guidance for any woman approaching or navigating her 40s, menopause, and beyond.
1. Perimenopause Sneaks Up on You
At 40, I thought I was “preparing for menopause” by reading books and following health advice. I assumed menopause would be a distant reality—an eventual morning without my period. But perimenopause is a long journey, with hormonal changes often beginning in our mid-30s, even if we’re symptom-free.
In my early 40s, I faced emotional turbulence, fatigue, and sleep issues—symptoms I now know were early signs of perimenopause. If I’d known this, I’d have approached those “mystery symptoms” differently, with less worry and more understanding.
2. High Estrogen Levels Can Make You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Mind
Contrary to what I thought, estrogen doesn’t gradually decrease in perimenopause. Often, the first hormone to decline is progesterone, leading to an imbalance with estrogen, known as *estrogen dominance*.
For years, I endured “mystery symptoms” that my doctor didn’t recognize as perimenopausal until I insisted on hormone testing. Estrogen dominance isn’t always easy to diagnose, as hormone levels fluctuate. However, once I understood the symptoms, I could make lifestyle changes to manage the spikes. Reducing high estrogen can help mitigate health risks like hormone-dependent cancers, high blood pressure, and insulin resistance.
If you notice symptoms such as weight gain around the hips, mood swings, fatigue, or brain fog, consider working with a doctor knowledgeable about hormone imbalances.
Symptoms of High Estrogen Levels
- Weight gain (especially around hips, abdomen, thighs)
- Fatigue
- Brain fog
- Headaches
- Insomnia
- Mood swings
- Water retention
- Irregular periods
- Fibroids
- Cold hands and feet
3. Putting Down Alcohol Makes a Huge Difference
I wasn’t a heavy drinker, but by my late 40s, even two glasses of wine could take days to recover from. Our tolerance decreases with age due to lower levels of dehydrogenase (the enzyme that helps metabolize alcohol), making alcohol harder on the liver.
The liver plays a vital role in metabolizing fat and clearing excess estrogen, making liver health especially critical during perimenopause. Alcohol burdens the liver, slowing down metabolism and causing the body to store fat and estrogen instead. Staying hydrated becomes harder as we age, and alcohol only dries us out more, impacting our skin and energy levels. Cutting out alcohol (and, eventually, caffeine) transformed my energy and health.
4. Every Fight-or-Flight Episode Affects Your Health
We all know stress is harmful, but it’s especially impactful as we age. Entering a “fight, flight, or freeze” state taxes our health, draining the “health bank” we work to build through nutrition, exercise, and self-care.
Our sympathetic nervous system is like a “withdrawal account” for our health, depleting our reserves each time it’s triggered. During perimenopause, our minds and bodies are re-wiring, making this the ideal time to cultivate calming practices and break old stress-response habits.
5. Your Body is Not Your Enemy
In my 40s, I often felt my body was turning on me. What used to work suddenly stopped, and I felt unsupported by medical professionals. Perimenopause felt like a rude awakening, bringing all unresolved issues—health, relationships, finances—into view.
Instead of masking the discomfort, I decided to face it head-on. I began to understand that perimenopause is a call to prioritize health and well-being, to honor our bodies, and to embrace change. Symptoms may be common, but they’re not “normal” or inevitable. Choosing to listen to my body, make healthier choices, and “love myself into permanent changes” set me on a path to feel better than I had in a decade.
6. How You Think About Aging Shapes Your Experience
This one could fill a book, but I’ll keep it simple: mindset is everything. Menopause and aging can bring up fears, shame, or even anger. All of these emotions are valid. What’s crucial is what we do with them. The self-stories we carry define our reality, so choose them wisely.
You have a choice in how you experience this next chapter. Embracing the present moment, investing in our health, and creating a positive outlook on aging empower us to live vibrantly, with grace and strength.
Aging isn’t just about “getting older”—it’s about *growing*. Navigating menopause, embracing change, and caring for ourselves are all acts of self-love. This is your time to flourish, to step into your wisdom, and to own the journey ahead with pride and confidence.
Dominique Cocuzza.
Aging. Body Health. Menopause. Mental Wellbeing. Women’s Empowerment.
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