How menopause affects men.
It might seem that menopause is an exclusively female thing and that men don’t have to worry about it. Surely at a biological level it is true that women undergo more intense changes than us, but I think menopause does not affect solely at a physiological level. It also has a psychological and sociological component that men should consider.
When the role of man has historically been a burden for us
There is much talk these days about the oppression that women have suffered throughout history within patriarchal cultures due to machismo. Little is said however, about the price that men themselves have paid in this demanding culture. In my opinion, men have been abused as much as women, though not on a physical level. We have not been threatened, attacked or subdued by a force greater than ours – it is the men who have exerted that measure of pressure on women when we have felt insecure. Men though, have been robbed of something of incalculable value, the connection with our hearts. The connection with our sensitivity and our emotions.
In traditional culture men have been valued for their courage, for their power and, above all, for being good providers. They had the duty to produce, to provide food, security and well-being in almost all aspects and for this we have been “forced” to disconnect from the heart. Getting excited, feeling, were impediments to “doing” and damaged productivity so they had to be eliminated from the world of men. Where women were valued as self-sacrificing and self-sacrificing caretakers, in addition to having to be beautiful, men have been slaves to our production capacity for hundreds of years, we were valued for what we do, for the objectives achieved, and to increase efficiency, you had to disconnect feeling.
Men’s energy levels change too, as the years go by
When a man reaches an age in which the energy of his body decreases and physical and hormonal changes cause a drop in production capacity, our value and self-esteem fall with it. When, due to retirement, fatigue or incapacity, we stop being productive, something dies in us and many do not have a way to repair it because they are completely disconnected from their essence as human beings, from their hearts. They die in life.
The moment in which our energy and our strength decrease, a major crisis occurs for the man who tries to compensate in other ways, hence we speak of the crisis of the forties, which now is surely the fifties. But it need not be so. Gathering from our experience and vital wisdom, we could transform it into an opportunity to release slavery by doing, demonstrating, measuring up, providing and dedicating ourselves a little more. And in this dedication to ourselves surely it is a priority to dedicate ourselves to others, to our wife, our children, our friends, girlfriends… now with nothing to prove, but from the certainty that we are more than what we have done or achieved. We can connect with our inner vibration which defines us much more than the professional mask which we so defend and on which we so depend (you must consider the expensive price we pay for our masks). Thus allowing us to express something very new by reconnecting with our emotions, including fear, and anger at the time wasted in producing and the loss of recognition when we end, or decrease, our productive capacity.
An opportunity to connect with our emotions
Maybe it’s time to let go of what we should do and open the door to what we really want to do. Do we want to continue to stand out? Do we want to continue attaching our personal value to what we produce? Can we go one step further and let go of what has given us false security for so many years to find security within ourselves? The liberation process of men is much further from being achieved than that of women, they have taken incredible steps in the direction of their autonomy, independence and freedom. Men, on the other hand, have remained much more stagnant, orphans of a safe port to take our boat and rest. But there is no rest because rest means ceasing to be valuable, ceasing to deserve recognition, ceasing to exist. That is the true revolution that the brave men of the 21st century have to carry out, rebel against the slavery that has kept them blind for thousands of years and begin to ask themselves, what do I want? What do I feel? And connect with an internal guide that points the way and makes them tremble by the mere fact of existing and not just enjoying the fleeting success on which we become so dependent. It is so fleeting that immediately after achieving a goal we are already bound to have the next challenge to overcome.
What better time than the fall of our productive force to connect with a force that does not need biology or results to unfold. Because the best result is not to depend on results. It is to enjoy connecting with our loved ones with an open heart, to be free to invest time in what makes us vibrate, in what makes a difference in our vital satisfaction. And of course, that would make us free and less dependent on external interests, sometimes very unconscious.
Are you going to become worthless and depressed when you reach the age where you lose biological strength or are you going to take the opportunity to investigate areas of yourself that can make you much happier? It is exclusively your decision. It may be difficult, you may not know how, the information may have been hidden from you so that you can never free yourself. But you have your curiosity and your investigative capacity to make these “menopausal” years the most valuable of your life.
Open your heart and improve the relationship with your partner
There is an added benefit to this process. When you open your heart, you can also create a qualitatively different relationship with the woman next to you. Surely, she is also going through a difficult and changing time in her life. When her mind faces vital changes she often generates a stress response that sometimes manifests itself in aggressiveness and conflict. When you build a solid personal security, you will be able to support the woman next to you. Without the need to defend yourself against her demands, because you no longer feel attacked as a provider, you will be able to offer her the presence she needs to feel more secure. When you stop defending yourself and feeling guilty, you can go beyond her complaints and help her in the need that hides under them, as a free companion with the ability to accompany another human being in their own liberation process. How we can achieve this may be a good idea for future articles.
Antonio de Dios.
Men understanding Menopause. Mental Wellbeing.
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